Lee Jordan: The Pothead
by XLR8
Summary: Follow Lee as he goes on a trip to satisfy his cravings. Completely pointless but funny. RR


Lee Jordan: A Pothead 

It is the closing days of the summer holidays; a young man by the name of Lee Jordan woke up at 1 in the morning. Lee reached out to his small wooden chest under his bed and slowly opened it with his eyes still blurred.

"Damn I'm all out of weed son!" Lee muttered to himself.

"Damn, I gotta smoke this shit! What's a nigga gotta do get him a high nigga pie, huh?

Lee started to stress about how to get the shroom he is craving. He began looking for his secret stash of hemp in his old Hogwarts books. Lee then found his Hogwarts: a history book and turned to page 69 and saw a parchment instead of a joint.

The parchment said: "Lee, You owe yourself a secret stash of marijuana. Holla back fool!"

"Shit man! When did I smoke it?" He suddenly felt wide-awake.

Lee then paced across his room back and forth as pondered how to get his plant. He started pulling his dreadlocks in what seem he is almost at the state of insanity.

"Grrrr……Think man! Think! Where can I get it, huh? To whom I can get it from? C'mon think!…..Dung! Dung can hook me up!"

Lee's hommies Fred and George know this certain cat by the name of "Dung" who used to sell crack but he is usually in Little Winging, Surrey, that is a suburb. Lee Jordan lives in the city streets and decided to jack his old man's car. He hasn't been to the place and can't apparate and the best was use the car.

Lee is driving on the highway going to the suburb. Suddenly he heard the song Jammin' by Bob Marley. Lee then turned the volume up to the max and started going with the beat as he cruised along the free way.

"Damn son, I love 'em muggle ass nigga singing this song! This is my song, ya heard?" Lee shouted as the stars still glistened

As he arrived in the Little Winging, he spotted a man dressed in a muggle style long coat as he stood in a street corner.

"That's him ayt!" Lee parked his old man's escalade in front of the flower shop. Lee then crossed the street and went to Dung.

"You Dung?" Lee asked

"Yeah what?" Mundungus shot at him.

Lee then said in the most polite manner:

"Well you see Mr. Dung, I realized a few moments ago that I ran out of weed you see? And I have been told by one of my homm… I mean colleagues that you have in your possession of cannibus, and I was wondering if you could sell them to me and have a pleasant business transaction…. Ummm ok?"

"Eh why you talk like that, eh? So you telling old Mundungus that you an educated black man eh?" Dung replied with a neutral expression.

Lee then said: "ummm… uhhhhh…. That's not the case you see. I WANT WEED! OK?

"All right young man! Don't go all def jam vendetta on my cracker ass. I'll get em, I'll get em." Dung now reached in his large black bag but found nothing…

Dung sulkily said to Lee: "I don't want to be the bearer of bad news son, but I just remembered selling the last stash to a man called K-shack…"

Lee looked puzzled, "Who the hell is K-Shack?"

"Well his a very tall and lean black man and seemed very rich and powerful…"

Lee then thought deeply and suddenly…. "hahahahahahahaha! You don't mean Kingsley Shacklebolt don't you? I knew that there aint right bout that nigga! Where he at? I might jack a couple from him…"

Dung started to panic, "hey if he found out I told you I'll get arrested and be sent to Azkaban…. that's a horrible place man, if you drop the soap its over, your manhood's all over! Them sex starved convict wizards will strike you from behind!"

Lee said in a cool manner, "dawg relax, you ain't getting' your shit pushed back inside… just tell me where hommie lives and I'll do it from there and you wont even be mentioned…ayt?"

Dung wrote the address at the parchment and handed it to Lee, "I was never involved in this mate…just wanted to help a ghetto pothead like you get his plant…'

Lee took the parchment and read it, "It aint that far from here, I could walk it! Thanks dawg! I owe you shit!" and Lee walked off. "Yeah get outta my joint, you scaring my clients" Dung said. Lee continued walking off and mumbled, "A rich ass nigga like Shacklebolt buying some hemp to some broke white ass cracker like Dung…that's some bullshit…"

Lee walked a bit further and he found Kingsley Shacklebolt's house, "Daaaaaaaaaaaamn, This hommie right here livin' the life!" The house was big and in the garage were a couple of coupes and 3 hummers. He got his bolt cutters and cut his way through the fence gate and walked through the house and suddenly…. Three German Sheperds emerged out of nowhere to attack the intruder….

"Bark…Bark….Bark!" Lee reached in for his wand and did some spells, "Silencio!….Wingardium Leviosa!" The dogs now are levitating in the air and trying to bark out loud but can't. "You fools think you can get me huh? I'm over 17 years old and I can do magic and lay down the smackdown on yo ass! Using his wand he put the floating dogs back to the garage to prevent from others seeing it. Lee then put a charm on the front door to unlock it. He slowly crept in the dark room and suddenly all the lights were turned on….

Lee saw a big figure in front of him with a big custom made Remmington Shotgun. Kingsley Shacklebolt was now awake and looking groggy but furious…

Lee then felt frightened, "Ei yo dawg, easy on the big ass gun man…"

Shacklebolt aimed at Lee and said, "Easy huh? I'll take it easy on your Negro ass when I pull this trigger right here…."

Lee then knelt down and pleaded, "Ey dawg, we could talk man! And like the gun is going to work on me, see, I am a also a wiz……ouch!" Lee was sent flying acrros the other end of the room as Kingsley gave him a stunning charm, "I wont buy that bullshit your trying to pull, I know you're a wizard, you were about to pull out your wand and jinx me, apparently I knew better. I know you, you attended at Hogwarts, and you didn't learn much as well…Now explain yourself for breakin' in here at 3 am?"

Lee tried to stand up holding his back and knelt again, "ahhhh…owww….ei man I'm just try to look for some weed man, I know you have some of them"

Kingsley grabbed hold of Lee's collar, "Who told you this? Tell me!" Lee felt his neck being garroted while trying to talk, "…I…uhhhhh……aint…..gonna….uhhh…. snitch on anybody…..uhhhh"

Kingsley held on tighter and started to let go, "(Must be Dung!) I like your attitude young-blood, you got honor and balls, but sadly no brain, but it's good….follow me…." He then took his shotgun with him. Lee on the other hand, Stood up still massaging his neck.

Kingsley led Lee to a room upstairs. Lee can tell it is where Kingsley smokes his weed. The room has a lot of sofas and other old furniture in it. He then looked up and saw a ventilation fan.

They sat at one of the sofas. And Kingsley took out a wooden chest much larger that Lee's, underneath the sofa and opened it. The smell and sight of the weed lifted Lee's spirits, "Hey dawg, been cravin' for that shit a while ago… So how much?" Lee asked.

Kingsley rolled two joints while responding, "Nah, bruh, I'll give it to you for free, smoke as much as you want…"

Lee was delighted to hear this, "For real dawg? Wait, hold up….are you like gay? If you want sex in return, I'm outta here I'd rather keep my dignity rather that smoke it all away…"

"Screw you young punk, I'm straight. Solid. I got a wife as well and she gonna come home tonight from business trip, and I'm asking you to smoke this weed with me so she won't find it alright, don't give me that gay bullshit again."

Lee then got the joint and lit it up, "Whooooo, Cheers hommie…..we ridin' High!" Kingsley leaned back and puffed his joint, "Fo' sho!"

A few hours of smoking pot…

"As I was sayin', there are certain things they didn't teach you at Hogwarts… Leprechauns that ride on purple unicorns can haunt you and cause you diarrhea in your sleep…." Lee then started coughing smoke and giggling at the same time as he listen more at Kingsley's lectures.

A few more hours of smoking weed…

"I was at the Knockturn Alley one time and I felt……." Lee then paused and fell over….

"Yeah…I got that feeling too…" Kingsley just agreed to whatever Lee said…

So these potheads just got high and passed out. It will be hard to get it out of their system especially to Lee Jordan…. A pothead….


End file.
